This is what happens when you sing “Balamory” too much. By Matilda Handscombe-Sargeant Warning Contains strong, and gratuitous, violence….. Yeah… so, yeah, I’m in the park. It’s fantastic, it really is. You should come down to England sometime, Kirsty. It’s great. It’s green. It’s full of sheep. What’s that? No, I’m not addicted to their coffee, ha. Oh well, Sid’s gonna pick me up from the airport… I’ll talk to you later. Love you, bye. Aye up. Hmmm. Hi. Baaaaaalaaaaamoooreeeeeee… Baaaaaalaaaaamoooreeeeeee… What’s the story in Balamory, Wouldn't you like to know? What's the story in Balamory, Where would you like to go? Will there be treats with Pocket and Sweet? Is that where we should go? Or up to the castle, inventing with Archie? He's ever so clever, and ever so arty! Baaaaaalaaaaamoooreeeeeee… Choosing our colours and dabbing with paint; with Spencer we should go! Or moving and jumping with Josie Jump? Would that be the story in Balamory? Shall we have fun as we cycle with Plum? Is that where we should go? Shall we have fun as we cycle with Plum? Is that where we should go? Enough! Kirsty…? Uh, I think I just killed someone. Again. The (ridiculous) End.