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Dear mum:
I am deeply sorry for arguing with you rudely last night about whether I
can play football in my spare time. I hope you can forgive my mistake.
But I want to tell you about what my opinion is. What you think is that
playing football will affect my study. On the contrary, what I think is that
playing football is a fantastic sport. You may listen to my advice and then
decide whether I can play football in my spare or not. Why I say this is
because of many benefits of playing football. First, playing football cannot
only keep me fit and healthy, but also strong and powerful. Then, I think to
say “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.” The good effect is it will
acquire new skills, cultivate my interests, broaden my horizon, enrich my
life. And then, I think playing football will improve my interpersonal skill,
enlarge my social circles, strengthen my body and mind and help acquire
confidence. At last, playing football is a team-play sport. It will make me
learn about how to play in a team and how to help each other.
My heart is fill with expectant. I wish you can agree, I will be thankful. I
promise to study hard and make you pleasured with my study.
g
Yours
Jack
16 分。
除了批注以外,我们再说说文章的结构。相比较文章的其他部分,最后
一段明显弱了,还是停留在好好学习这个层面上,没有让“你踢球”和
“你妈妈”产生一个直接的联系。可以考虑说,以后参加踢球的,你要
求妈妈来观看你的比赛,让妈妈也为你感到骄傲。
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